The Depth Of “People Pleasing” & Why It’s Time To Put Yourself First

Introduction

Feeling accepted is such a deeply rooted need in our society—to feel accepted by our family, friends, peers, and anyone else we meet. This shows itself in how we speak to each other and how we act. The term “people pleasing” gets tossed around a lot and is a common part of how we choose to interact with others. Most of us are unknowingly trying very hard to fit into not only our small social groups but all of society as well. To please society, we say and do what we know will make us feel accepted. So, what does it sound and look like to just be who we truly are instead of how everyone else wants us to be?

Your Heart Is Key

Being in your heart will help you align with yourself so you can be authentic when speaking to others, despite what may look or sound like the norm around you. Many of us don’t know how to be in our hearts, but with the right teacher and guidance, you can accomplish much more in this area.

The Acceptance of "You"

When it comes to feeling accepted, the first step is accepting yourself. The deeper you are in your own heart, the more acceptance you will find with every aspect of who you are. When you fully accept every part of yourself, there is not much anyone can say or do that will take that away.

You will also start to find that more people will naturally begin accepting you, your decisions, and what you say. People can unconsciously feel whether you are in doubt of yourself or in true acceptance of yourself, and they will unknowingly respond with a similar energy. Therefore, you will naturally find that you don’t need to do or say anything just to please others—instead, you will prioritize pleasing yourself first. This is key to having a life of happiness and fulfillment.

When Is It Right to Tell Someone "No"?

One of the most common ways we find ourselves pleasing others before ourselves is when we agree to do something we don’t actually want to do or don’t feel up to. Deep down, we know we need to say “no,” but we end up saying “yes” instead for fear of being rude, selfish, or hurting someone’s feelings.

Here’s a hard truth: how someone reacts after you say “no” is not your responsibility. Your responsibility is taking care of yourself and your energy first. Making sure you are in a place of vitality and genuinely want to help before saying “yes” is extremely important. You’ll be amazed at how much more you can show up for someone when you prioritize your well-being.

Additionally, there are many ways we can help someone who needs it. Helping doesn’t necessarily have to be in the way you are asked. You always have options. If the way you are being asked to help doesn’t work for you, consider alternative ways you could offer support. Then, communicate that option as an alternative.

Boundaries in Communication

Saying “no” when your energy requires it is also a way of building healthy boundaries with yourself and others. Communicating your boundaries is never selfish—it is a kindness to both you and them. When you are clear about your needs, others will know how to approach you. Whether they like your boundaries or not, they will understand them, and you will protect your own energy by not overtaxing yourself.

Conclusion

We are all here to grow and expand into our hearts with acceptance so we can create happier lives. You can learn to say “yes” when it feels right for you and say “no” when you need to. Putting yourself first will make the biggest difference in your overall health and vitality, allowing you to live the life you love and enjoy your relationships more deeply.

Make yourself the reason you get up each day, do what you do, and live the life you have.

Helpful Affirmation

Use this affirmation anytime you need support shifting your mindset:

“I accept who I am and love putting myself first.”

Try This Today

Reflect on how you want to start putting yourself first more in your life and relationships. Then, set an intention to practice this every day. Use the affirmation above or create one that feels right for you.

Wishing you love, health & harmony,

Janette