From Victim To Victor: The Change You Need When People Make You Feel “Bad”
Introduction: The Victim
The moments when people point fingers, blame you, and criticize you can feel pretty awful. It’s common to then blame those people in return for their mean words and actions, creating a victim cycle of finger-pointing and blame that goes back and forth. The belief is that the other person "made" you feel bad because of what they said or did. If you call them out, their perspective might be that you made them feel bad for your blame in return. Things then escalate, build up, and rarely resolve.
The perspective that another person can “make you feel bad” comes from a limited belief system that’s been passed down through generations and societal norms. The truth is, no one can “make” you feel anything you don’t want to. This includes yourself. Some people internalize their pain in these situations and blame themself. Whether you are blaming the other person, or blaming yourself, there is another way that doesn’t require you to feel “bad”.
The Victor: Realize Your Empowerment
While people can be suggestive, no one can take control of your thoughts and feelings. These are always 100% yours and, therefore, 100% your responsibility. You are the only one who can choose how to react or respond to a person or situation. These moments are here to help you reclaim your awareness that you have always been a powerful being; that you can be empowered in your energy and responses.
Two Key Paths: Reaction vs. Response
Triggered Reaction:
You suddenly “feel bad” in response to a person or situation and project your negative emotions and thoughts onto whoever is in front of you. This could look like saying something equally rude in return or internalizing your reaction by acting small, doing what you’re told, or avoiding the situation altogether out of fear.
Balanced Response:
You notice that you “feel bad” in response to a person or situation and pause. You reflect on what you’re feeling and thinking, realizing you’ve been triggered and that there’s something in this situation you can learn from and grow through. You then choose to respond in a way that is kind but still upholds healthy boundaries. A few examples:
“Thank you for your feedback; I will take that into consideration.”
Even if you have no intention of following their advice, this statement allows them to feel heard and often de-escalates the situation or ends the conversation.“I need a moment to process my emotions/thoughts before I can give you a response.”
This lets them know you’ve heard them and gives you time to calm down and respond in a healthier manner.“I believe what you’re saying is important, but how you’re saying it is making it hard for me to hear. Is there a different way you could say that?”
Since your response is calm and seeks clarification, it may encourage them to approach the conversation differently.
Another response is to say nothing at all and just walk away. Becoming defensive uses a lot of your energy. If the situation causes you to feel “bad”, hold your energy, walk away and come back with a balanced response when you have resolved your own emotions about it first. Feel free to come up with your own responses that fit your specific situations and see what works for you.
Conclusion
It’s not always easy to start reacting differently, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be done. Every situation that “feels bad” is actually a reflection of emotional trauma still sitting in your body from a past hurt. When something from the past hasn’t been fully healed, you tend to attract situations later in life that will re-trigger that same hurt. But this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. These moments can offer the opportunity you need to feel through the trauma and heal fully. Wounds and trauma don’t have to be permanent. There’s always another way.
Helpful Affirmation
“I accept all situations that are put in front of me, and I am open to learning and growing through them.”
Try This Today
Is there a situation in your life right now that isn’t resolved and is triggering you to feel bad or uncomfortable? Reflect on your feelings and thoughts about it. How do you want to react? How could you respond instead?
Take time to write out a new, empowering response that aligns with the person you want to be.
Wishing you love & liberation,
Janette
